Women's Workers

How to help liberal women find happiness:

For example, conservatives can help liberals open jars — which they (desperately) need help with because they tend to be vegans with poor upper-body strength. And if you need any yardwork or have car trouble, if you don’t have a conservative on speed dial, you’re out of luck. And liberals can help conservatives, too: Have you ever seen a liberal woman switch to “Karen mode” when the restaurant is taking a wee bit too long to find you a table? Good Lord! In life, sometimes things don’t move until they’re pushed — and nobody’s pushier than a liberal woman. (Especially if she’s hungry. A hungry liberal woman turns into the Hulk.) Besides, being in a relationship with someone who’s exactly like you isn’t ideal either. When two people are identical, it means that one of them is redundant. (This is true in personal relationships, and it’s VERY true in business.) Instead, you should seek someone who’ll complement your strengths and offset your weaknesses, not someone who’s your carbon copy. The world already has one of you — and that’s plenty. BTW, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but some of those liberal women are really cute. (And plenty of ‘em seem to have low standards, horrible self-esteem, and significant mental disorders, which usually works to our benefit.) Conservative women, however, have ethics, morality, and are less likely to frequent orgies, visit strip clubs, and get smashed at raves with a loser like you. So my advice to conservative men: You gotta stick your fishing poles in the water with the most fish! That’s how you play the game!

The game awaits, ladies...